I am such a failure! MAN!

I found out today that I am a TOTAL AND COMPLETE FAILURE!

I messed up! I'm a dolt, a maroon, a boob! I didn't go to Yale, Harvard, or Princeton! GAH! Why did I NOT go to one of those schools?

If I had done so, I could be milking taxpayers in D.C. with my Ivy League brothers and sisters.

I hear Cornell is acceptable, as is Brown, but I didn't think of either of those schools. Of course I never looked into studying abroad at Oxford either. Man I'm an idiot!

Well, I guess it is three strikes against me. I'm just another of the unwashed masses. Strike 1. I'm from the South. DOH! That's a big one! Strike 2. I work as a barber. GAH! That's bad. I definitely don't know anything about economics. Strike 3. I attended a private Christian university that ranks higher that some of the "better" schools. Man, I'm such a heel.

Wait a minute, should that be four strikes?? I'm a Christian too. A no good, low-life, second-class citizen who believes in fairy tales.

Hey? Has anyone called Bill Gates and told him he's a failure? He didn't even finish college, you know. How about some of the fathers of industry who never went to college? Could they be the reason our economy is failing now? Could it be that they weren't lawyers? After all, lawyers who get elected to office are much smarter and better than the rest of us, ESPECIALLY if they went to the right school. Just ask our current president and our Congress.

I'm sure glad we have such fine, smart, sophisticated people taking care of us, because I don't know what I would do without them.